A bit of high culture . . . . .

A parody of G&S I did a while ago . . . . .

THE WARGAMES MAJOR-GENERAL


GENERAL: I am the very model of a wargames Major-General,

I've information tactical, strategic, and nonsensical,

I know all the Great Captains and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon to Waterloo, but never chronological;

I'm very well acquainted, too, with army lists apocryphal,

I understand all theories, Jomini and Clausewitzical,

About the Foundry I am always teeming with a lot o' news,

With many cheerful facts about the revenue of you know who.



ALL: With many cheerful facts about the revenue of you know who.


GENERAL: I'm very good at gossiping about all things malicious;

I quote at length the thoughts of Barker the genius;

In short, in matters tactical, strategic and nonsensical,

I am the very model of a wargames Major-General.


ALL: In short, in matters tactical, strategisc and nonsensical,

He is the very model of a wargames Major-General.

GENERAL: I know our mythic history, I’m an expert on fantasy;

I answer rule acrostics, I've a petty taste for paradox,

I’ve learned by rote whole passages from DBA and DBM,

So I can floor opponents who use historic strategems;

I can tell undoubted Copplestones from older Foundry castings,

I know my painting skill engenders praise that’s everlasting!

I also know my body odour clears a place before a stall,

So I can see the figures about which I know bugger all.



ALL: So he can see the figures about which he knows bugger all.


GENERAL: Then I can write a shopping list in Babylonic cuneiform,

And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:

In short, in matters tactical, strategic and nonsensical,

I am the very model of a wargames Major-General.



ALL: In short, in matters tactical, strategisc and nonsensical,

He is the very model of a wargames Major-General.



GENERAL: In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",

When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,

When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,

And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery- -

In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,

You'll say "Oh no it’s him, he must have had a verbal laxative!"



ALL: You'll say "Oh no it’s him, he must have had a verbal laxative!"


GENERAL: For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,

Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;

But still, in matters tactical, strategic and nonsensical,

I am the very model of a wargames Major-General.



ALL: But still, in matters tactical, strategic and nonsensical,

He is the very model of a wargames Major-General.

Sometimes it's strange what keeps me amused. . . . .


Just done some more work on Frank's Prussians. Pig of a job getting the rose pink facings right, but I think I've done it this time. Well on the way now and picking up a rhythm. Bashed along while listening to Stiff Little Fingers.

Soon be able to get back to me Rebs, so today's toy is:


Time for a read.

G.